InfoSheet SubPage - Grief & Bereavement

Ocean Grove Memorial Home
118 Main Avenue, Ocean Grove, New Jersey 07756

Thomas J. Saragusa, Manager
N. J. License No. 4036

VOICE 732-775-0434 - - OGMHognj@aol.com

What can you do to help someone who is grieving? 

Understanding and coping with your loss
Much of the following information is excerpted from the booklet, Spiral of Grief, by Diana McKendree, M.Ed., a psychotherapist and grief counselor who discovered through her own life history of grief and bereavement, the insights to guide and teach others about death, loss and separation. Spiral of Grief is published in conjunction with Selected Independent Funeral Homes and is copyrighted by that company.

Why am I feeling this way?
Bereavement is the total process that goes on as a result of our grieving. It includes the process of healing and recovery, as well as the experience of grief. It is important to understand grief in order to have realistic expectations of the recovery process. This process does not have a definite time frame. The length of your grief, as well as the intensity, will depend upon the relationship you had with the deceased and the circumstances of the death. Many expect to be over it in a few months, yet the grieving process may last two to four years or more. This does not mean you will be in the pits of despair the entire time, but it does mean you may experience waves of emotion on anniversary dates, significant days, and during the holiday seasons. 

When someone you love dies, nobody can understand how you feel.
You may not be able to put your feelings into words. You might feel numb, confused, afraid, and sometimes irrational. You should understand that these feelings and reactions are completely normal. You may find recovery takes longer than either you or others expect. We never "get over" our grief, but we do come through it, frequently with a greater appreciation of the now. Death is part of living. If we expect to live our lives fully, we must find ways to gradually work through our grief and integrate our losses into who we are.
We cannot ignore or escape the reality of death; it is the ultimate separation.

Death is difficult for our culture to accept
Our culture has difficulty in accepting death, both personally and as a society: In generations past, families lived together, often under the same roof. People frequently died in their own beds, and funerals were held at home. Children had the opportunity to learn about death naturally as they grew and matured. Today, in our highly developed society of technology and medical advancement, death has become a great mystery in our culture, frequently left in the hands of the professionals. Those of us who live in cities are detached from nature's endless cycles of death and rebirth. We seldom communicate with our neighbors and often do not know them by name. We are isolated and feel separated in our mobile society. People often avoid the bereaved because they simply do not know what to say. Traditionally, religious communities acted as an extended family. Many people today have turned away from organized religion for one reason or another. This has left yet another hole in the "security blanket."

Grief comes in many forms
Grief comes in many forms and you may experience a wide range of them. There is no one way to grieve. You must discover what way is yours. Discover your need rather than following what others believe you should do. You may expect to feel every emotion possible as you enter this long-term process of grief and bereavement. Those feelings can include anger, guilt, relief, depression and sadness and even physical pain, since grief is often felt intensely in the chest and digestive tract. Honoring your feelings is essential, yet each person must find ways of expression which do not go overboard, but rather maintain a sense of balance.

Different types of loss
How your loved one died can often affect your feelings of grief. Everyone grieves differently, but your feelings also will be influenced by whether you lost someone to sudden death, an extended illness, or suicide. And, of course, your relationship to the deceased, whether spouse, parent, child or friend, will influence how you feel.
Selected Independent Funeral Home members are always on hand to help you through the process and refer you to support groups if needed or desired.

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